The Celebrant Angel, Aberdeen
24 Sept 2021
The Celebrant angel aberdeen logo angel wings with scrolly writing the celebrant angel

How To Keep Relationships Alive

Whether you are in a new relationship and want to learn how to keep the spark alive or you’ve been with your partner for a while, we all want to keep the relationship alive.

We often think that a wedding day or moving in together means that the couple will have a long and happy relationship, but in today’s world where everything is throw away, is there a secret to having a long and happy relationship?

The secret to a long and happy relationship means different things to different people. But there are quite a few things we can do in our relationships to keep them strong and happy.

The tips on keeping relationships alive aren’t complicated; they all make sense, but sometimes putting them into practice takes time and even patience.

Our relationships are our Number 1 priority.

Balancing life between work and family, our relationship with our partner often gets neglected.

We need to remember to keep it our number one priority. Keep laughing, keep romancing, and look forward to exploring things together, as a couple and as a family.

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Keeping Relationships Alive Tip 1 – Talk to each other

Communication is a massive key in any relationship. However, when we hit bumps in the road, it can be hard to communicate.

So the aim is to make sure that we are communicating right from the word go.

If we try to remember relationships are about “us”, not me or you, we are a team now; it can make a huge difference.

Anything affecting a relationship can be discussed together, as a team.

Take the time to discuss matters that are important to both of you, may they be individual aspirations, joint plans, or problems.

Sitting down together regularly and reviewing how things have been for each other, “do you need help with something”?  Is there anything you need to get off your chest?

From the beginning, we need to be honest about how we are feeling and what our needs are and communicate them lovingly.

We also need to learn to listen to concerns without becoming defensive

Keeping Relationships Alive Tip 2 – Avoid mind-reading.

We can all do this one.

How often have you gone off on a tangent thinking the worst because your partner’s behaviour has changed?

And when you finally stop the mind-reading and ask your partner what the problem is, turns out it wasn’t what you were worrying about.

Be brave and ask them, “what’s the matter? What do we need to do”?

It is important in a relationship that you can express negative as well as positive feelings. But this should be done respectively.

You should be able to voice any concerns, negative or positive so that you can find a solution together.

Using the correct vocabulary in expressing feelings is important too. You don’t want to be known as Moaning Minnie all the time.

Using the correct language can open up conversations, making achieving the right result for everyone a lot easier.

Keeping Relationships Alive Tip 3 – Be Patient

Learning to be patient in a relationship takes patience and practice funnily enough.

According to a popular cliché, love makes the world go round. But in a relationship, it’s not just love that keeps it alive, but patience.

You may be madly in love with each other, but if you’re not patient, then you won’t be able to strengthen your partnership and make it for the long term.

How do you practice patience in a relationship?

Keeping Relationships Alive Tip 4 – Accept the flaws.

When we first get together, we consider our partner to be the best thing since sliced bread, but low and behold; it’s not too long until we spot “the flaws”.

Remember, Nobody’s perfect, and your partner is no exception.

Of course, they have flaws, but these are part of who they are.

Does your partner have habits that annoy you?

Do they need to change those habits? Or do you need to learn a bit of patience, accepting the habit as part of them?

If the habit annoys you so much, talk to your partner about how it makes you feel. I’m sure; if they can, they will change.

What about when there is an argument?

We need to use patience here too.

Using your patience skills in an argument means it allows you to think before you speak and before you react.

Take a few minutes before you reply.

Is your partner hurting, angry or frustrated? They could be just trying to get things off their chest.

If we don’t practice patience, we can react in the same way making our argument potentially more severe than it might actually be.

Everyone is entitled to have their say in an argument. So practising patience gives each person the opportunity to air their opinion.

Meaning the argument can be discussed thoroughly, making it more likely to find a solution that both parties can deal with.

Like marriage itself, patience is the work of a lifetime.

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Keeping Relationships Alive Tip 5  – Remember to date

Why should you continue to date your partner?

Dating shows them that your relationship is important. It strengthens a connection.

You’ll feel loved.

The hard work isn’t over once we move in together or get married; that’s just the start of keeping a relationship strong and loving.

Don’t let routine set in and let romance leave.  It should be a permanent fixture in the lives of every loving relationship.

Set aside date nights every week or month. Get out to your favourite restaurant, or even try a new hobby together.

Dating frequently helps to remind us that they are your favourite person in the whole world.

Leave your phone at home, take some time out to tune into your partner.

Communicating is another biggie in a relationship, and if you’re on the phone all night, there’s not going to be a lot of talking, is there?

Once the kids come along, it’s a little bit harder to organise date nights.

If you don’t have family close by, why not draft in another couple in the same situation and babysit for each other, allowing you all to have your date nights.

Keeping Relationships Allive Tip 6 – Keep your sense of humour.

A sense of humour is an attractive trait in a person. Is that what attracted you to your partner in the first place?

Research shows that couples generally share a similar sense of humour.

When you laugh together, you create a positive bond between you.

This bond acts as a strong shield against stress, disagreements and disappointments and helps overcome the bad patches.

Most situations aren’t as bleak as they appear.

Humour can help you consider problems in a different way that might otherwise seem overwhelming and damage a relationship.

It’s not about cracking inappropriate jokes, more about lightening the atmosphere.

I find tension difficult to deal with, so I always tend to bring humour into the conversation.  It certainly lightens things up a bit, and the argument seems trivial after you have a bit of a laugh about it.

Keeping your sense of humour throughout a marriage can be hard at times. But boy, does it help if we can take the mickey out of ourselves sometimes.

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Keeping Relationships Alive Tip 7  – Ask for help

If you have read Men are from Mars and Woman are from Venus, you will know the difference in the sexes when it comes to asking for help.

When women communicate, it is usually from their emotions first; the problem is second.

When a man communicates he comes from a place of “How can I fix it?

How many times do we expect our partner to know what we need? Remember, no one can mind- read.

It’s sometimes difficult to ask for help. But it’s also kinda cute.

I know my partner likes me to ask for help; I am much better at it now than I used to be.

It’s something us independent woman have to re-learn.

Before you can get what you want from your partner, you must first know what it is that YOU want.

Maybe your partner is trying to do everything they think you like, but you’re not satisfied because you haven’t fully identified what you want for yourself.

Celebrate the small joys in life as well as the big ones

Celebrations aren’t just for the big things in life; if we learn to celebrate the small stuff together, we have a lot going for the relationship.

Things like the flowers your partner sends as a surprise, the lovely meal cooked for you.

The surprise text you get saying I love you when you were least expecting it.  Both are small things that we should be celebrating.

Keeping Relationships Alive Tip 8 – The hardest word in a relationship.

That will be Sorry.

This ones a biggie, and it takes a lot of courage sometimes to say you’re sorry.

We aren’t all good at it, but what a difference it makes to your relationship when you admit you were wrong and say sorry.

It’s a small word that can make such a difference in life, never mind a relationship.

So don’t be scared to be the one to say it first.

 

People all have different views on the secret to a happy and strong relationship. Your views might be different from mine, and that’s fine. 

Each couple finds their own ways of making their relationships work, but knowing that it does take some work to make it strong and happy is the crux of the matter. 

Expecting our relationship to survive all that life throws at us today, with no work, is like burying your head in the sand.

Hopefully, my tips will give you some homework to help keep your relationship strong and happy.

Always be friends, and remember you get to do life with this amazing person by your side.

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