A wedding should feel like both of you.

Why it happens..

When it comes to planning a wedding traditionally, one half of the couple tends to take the lead when it comes to wedding planning — and more often than not, it’s the bride.

But I’ve seen a bit of a shift in the last couple of years; it’s been the groom who’s contacted me first about the ceremony.

I like that, cause then I know he’s been involved in the planning, well, the initial bits anyway.

That said, some grooms (or one half of any couple) still aren’t quite sure what they’re allowed to have an opinion on.

Add in the pressure from Pinterest-perfect weddings and Instagram-worthy moments, and suddenly the day can start feeling more about aesthetics than about you two.

Not everyone loves the fuss — and that’s okay. Just because one person isn’t shouting about fairy lights and flower arches doesn’t mean they don’t care.

That’s me.

I’m one of those people! who’d be happy with a more relaxed and personal wedding.

While my partner would want to go bigger, louder, and with a touch more limelight.

But as long as we talk about it and find the middle ground for us both, then we have a perfect wedding day for both of us.

Tip: Have that conversation right at the start, what does your partner want to be part of?  What can they do to help you? 

Ask them what they see their wedding day looking like.

Then you’re planning your wedding as a couple.

What kind of vibe do you both want?

Before you get carried away with colour schemes and chair sashes (they come later), it’s worth sitting down and asking each other, what sort of day do you or we actually want?

Formal and grand? Casual and cosy, or outdoors and relaxed?

Do we want a castle, an all inclusive venue, or a village hall with fairy lights, a tray of sausage rolls, and your gran leading the conga?

Maybe one of you’s dreaming of a lochside BBQ in the Highlands, with the dog being the best man and a celebrant (here’s me!) standing beside a whisky barrel altar.

Meanwhile, the other is picturing a black-tie affair with candles, chandeliers, and absolutely no mud on the shoes, thank you very much.

And yes, these conversations can be hilarious.

You’d be amazed how many couples have never asked each other what their dream wedding actually looks like,  until one of you blurts out, “I just want a fire pit and a taco van.”

What actually matters to us?

In those conversations about what you want your day to look like, consider some of these things to.

Apart from making sure the wedding is in the style you both want, you might save some money if neither, or both of you, don’t want these.

Do you care about flowers?
Do you just want the wedding party flowers, like bouquets and buttonholes?

Or do you want or need the venue to be decorated with flowers?

Food?

Is it a full sit-down meal you want?

Or are you happy to go with grazing platters or food truck options?

Music? 

Do you need a string quartet or a piper?

Do you want a disco or a band or a bit of both?

Take an evening, sit down, and each of you make a list of what you’d like, then compare the lists.

You might be surprised what overlaps (or what totally doesn’t!). Then have those discussions to find the middle ground.

A day you’ll both remember (for the right reasons)

Weddings are meant to be a celebration of two people, not a one-person production with the other just turning up in a nice outfit, waiting for all the fuss and faff to be over.

If one of you is floating through the day like they’ve just stepped out of a bridal magazine, and the other looks like they’re silently calculating how many more hours until they can take their shoes off… we might have missed the mark slightly.

When the day has everything you both want in it, that’s when the magic happens.

That’s when the nerves turn into excitement, the ceremony actually feels like you, and the smiles at the top of the aisle aren’t just for the photographer.

They’re real. Proper, “I can’t believe we’re doing this together”, smiles.

And it’s those moments you’ll remember.

Not the five shades of sage green on the napkins.

Not the overpriced flower arch that attracted the bees or gave you hayfever.

It’s the little nods to things you both love.

The fact that you felt like equals in the planning, not like someone’s +1 at their own wedding.

And when I ask the groom before you arrive who did the flowers, he’ll know, and even better, he’ll know what kind of flowers they are.

So, whether you’re dreaming of kilts and candlelight or boots and BBQs when you’re planning your wedding, make it yours.

Not hers. Not his. And definitely not what Instagram says it should look like.

Just two people, planning something that actually feels right for both of you.

Because trust me,  when the ceremony starts and you’re both standing there, grinning like loons, knowing that everything about the day reflects you both?

That’s the moment you’ll remember forever.

And if you need some help with what works and what doesn’t,  then ask your celebrant, we’ve seen it all over the years, so can put our tuppence into the mix.