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How To Write Your Own Wedding Vows

cherished and solemn promises exchanged between two hearts

Writing personalized wedding vows can be a beautiful and meaningful way to express your love and commitment to your partner on your wedding day.

Many couples look forward to this heartfelt moment during the wedding ceremony, as it adds a unique touch to the celebration.

Not every couple has vows, and not everyone feels confident in writing them.

But fear not, as I’m here to lend a helping hand.

The details I gather when listening to your love story and getting to know you both, can usually help me or you create your wedding vows.


Vows that resonate with your emotions and relationship.

And my couples usually keep their vows secret until the wedding day, so Graham doesn’t know what Mary has said and vice versa, it’s a cracking way to do it as you both get a surprise on the day.

So let’s explore the process of writing your own wedding vows, and consider the essential aspects to ensure they are heartfelt and authentic.

Hopefully, following my tips, you’ll be able to create touching and personalized wedding vows that will leave your partner and guests feeling all warm and fuzzy on the day.

“I promise to brighten your day with an ice cream treat whenever life gets rough”

Setting the perfect tone for your wedding vows

Before you start writing your vows, it’s essential to have a little chat with your partner about the tone you both want to set.

Are you going for funny and light-hearted, or perhaps leaning towards something more serious?

You could even find a perfect mix of both!

Imagine this scenario: you’ve not discussed the vows and your partner gets all lovey-dovey with their vows, and you’re standing there, ready to deliver a hilarious roast.

Trust me you don’t want to be caught in that awkward moment!

So, have that discussion and make sure your vows complement each other.

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The clues are in your relationship.

Take a moment to cherish the beautiful journey you’ve embarked on as a couple.

How was the first date? Recall any mishaps that happened on your first date, is there something there that you can use as a vow,

Or take a walk down memory lane and go over the memories etched into your heart from that unforgettable holiday you shared.

Here are a couple of examples:-

Remember how I always insist on getting to the airport far too early for check-in?  Well, I promise not to drag you there hours before we need to be!

I love that you can turn stressful moments into cosy hot chocolate dates; it’s a gift I’ll always cherish.

I promise to brighten your day with an ice cream treat whenever life gets rough.

As we stand together on this day, I pledge my love to you with a heart full of cherished memories and a promise to create countless more.

Our journey is beautiful, and I’m excited to walk hand in hand, savouring every moment together.


Remember always to include the I Love you bits as well!


Where can I find inspiration for my vows

Favourite Books, Poems, and Songs is a good starting point.

I can often find inspiration from books, poetry, and music when I’m looking for readings or vows.

Do you have any favourites as a couple that you could use for inspiration?

A beautiful quote or a line from a meaningful song can add a romantic touch to your vows.

Pinterest is another amazing tool for finding vows; like these; what did we do before things like Pinterest and google?

There are lots of websites that offer samples and templates for wedding vows.

While I wouldn’t use many of them, they are a great starting point for inspiration if you’re looking for any.

Writing your own wedding vows zoe and ryans wedding at drum castle with mary gibson the celebrant angel aberdeen humanist wedding ceremonies aberdeen

How long do the vows need to be?

I’m often asked how long the vows need to be, but it’s more about the quality of your words than the quantity.

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but generally, they should last no longer than 1 to 2 minutes long when spoken aloud.

Roughly 150 to 250 words.

If your vows are too long vows you might risk losing the attention of your guests

Who says the vows first?

This is a question often asked by couples – who should say their vows first?

Well, that’s entirely up to you!

But why not make it a bit more fun and exciting?

You could try rolling a dice until someone gets a six, and that lucky person gets the honour of going first.

Or, for a classic showdown, play a round of rock-paper-scissors to determine the order.

It’s a playful way to kick off your vows and bring some laughter into this special moment.

Do you have any other suggestions of how to determine who goes first?

laura and rob playing rock paper scissors before saying their wedding vows with the celebrant angel aberdeen humanist weddings aberdeen

When do I write my wedding vows?

Don’t leave it till the last minute.

Embrace the journey of working with your celebrant as you delve into your relationship and rediscover countless sweet and cherished memories, some of which might have faded with time.

While there’s no need to start writing your vows while you’re still searching for the perfect wedding venue, have a little notebook  handy or dedicating a special page in your wedding planner book to capture those precious snippets whenever they arise.

Those heartfelt moments are priceless gems, and by jotting them down, you’ll create a treasure trove of little snippets that might help you to write meaningful wedding vows to your partner.

Do we show each other our wedding vows?

I would keep my vows to my partner under wraps until you say them aloud on the day.

It’s like unwrapping a surprise gift, except the gift is your heart-warming words, and the best bit is the look on your partner’s face as they hear them for the first time standing in front of you and your guests (The photographers love it).

The guests love seeing your faces as you deliver them if you haven’t shared them before.

But it’s entirely up to you if you both want to see them before the day.

Most of my couples keep them secret until the day.

Do I have to memorise my wedding vows?

No not at all unless you really want to memorise them that is.

With my ceremonies, I have a couple of ways my couples do them.

I can have them printed for you on lovely little vow cards and you read from that.

Or, I can say them then you repeat them line by line after me.

If you want to read them yourself you could try and memorise them, but you’ll find that you are so busy with other wedding things that you don’t have the time to do that, and that’s fine we can go with the other options..

Do we have to have vows?

No, you don’t have to have personalised vows.

If you’re a couple who don’t like to be in the limelight, you don’t have to say vows during your ceremony.

But if you like the idea of vows to each other there are other ways to do them without being in your ceremony.

You could keep them for after the ceremony and read them to each other.

Or, write each other a letter to read on the morning of your wedding day with the vows in the letter.

So don’t stress yourself out if you don’t want to say vows in your ceremony; remember this is your day, your way.


Wedding vows are a beautiful and meaningful way for couples to declare their love, make promises, and begin their journey of married life with a profound sense of commitment and dedication to each other.

Remember, the most meaningful vows are those that come from the heart and reflect your unique relationship.

Take your time, be sincere, and speak from the heart to create vows that you and your partner will cherish forever.

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